wow, i'd really like to continue that stream of consciousness. I'm wearing sweatpants right now and i couldn't imagine anything more comfortable. My brain is signaling a mile a minute into some abyss - a pool of thoughts that i can't make out because i won't stop to listen.
it's a sunny day in san diego. that is nice. i took a short breather in my car, parked outside of my house, seat set back, windows down, sun beaming, and breeze chilling, tears rolling. the pain never ends but i can see the sunshine through it all so i am, regardless of this life's roller coaster, comforted.
i can't wait to rest my head tonight, but between managing my father's health and my future, i can't find the time for much else. I am sad that i am not as able to help my brothers right now. as for my mom...we haven't talked in a week. I hope - scratch that - i know God is working and it's okay that i'm not involved right now.
hmm...heartbreak, gosh, it never stops. i've been touting the fact that i'm ready to get married. ha, what a funny concept. I just want to rest my head on someone's shoulder for the rest of my life. THIS that i'm going through right now, the constant heartache has got to be a consequence of my bad decisions. amazing. Still, i praise him. and i'm so thankful for the endless conversations that i can have with the holy spirit that rests in me. I will seek him first...but for now, father, can i find a shoulder to cry on?
my dear heart, i would like to put you away in chains and lock you up so that this pain that we are experiencing does not happen again. the pain is a subtle one, eased by an undercurrent god's love and grace. Maybe i'm learning how to cope????
breathe. can i find a surf partner too? because it looks like a good day for catching waves :)
Breathless
5 years ago
No comments:
Post a Comment