at least i can end the day well

so...i can't stand the thought of getting up in the morning after spending a whole night dreaming of heartache and "wasted love stories." Alas, the good news is, i think i had a very productive day today. My friend shannon just got back from an entire year in africa and we spent 30 minutes catching up. i took my grandfather to the hospital and was an extremely effective translator. I spent some time at the corner bakery with an entertaining book, a salad, some coffee and an oatmeal raisin cookie. Then, I danced my heart out in ballet. Oh, ran a quick mile this morning before taking pop pop to the doctor's. yay for sweating. Hmm....came home, washed the car and thought about how much i love doing things that my dad loves to do. I had him help me shine my rims which was too much fun. I should not be so easily pleased or entertained. Spent nearly an hour talking to my uncle about the possibility of putting my dad through another surgery. Made amazing spaghetti for dinner with dad and chi nhan who has become like an older sister. she immigrated here from Vietnam not too long ago. Made a smoothie for grandpa because all he's really consumed these past two years is ensure milk. talked to my sister for 30 minutes or listen her talk about the "nastiness" at the rock church which was hard to hear. And now...i think i'm going out to the movies. whew.

made it. now, thoughts? my head hurts from thinking too much. I don't want to wake up as depressed as i have been, but i can't seem to shake off the heartache. it's starting to make me angry or at least confused. oh i just shouldn't talk about it anymore. I forget what it is like to wake up and to take a deep refreshing breath of life and smile. Legitimately smile. europeans, especially, russians think smiling is a sign of foolishness (according to npr). americans smile at home and in public because americans think changing their persona is wrong or something like that...perhaps that goes along with the idea of being true to yourself...except being true does not mean being constant in an emotion. If ever I am sad or if i don't smile, that should not cause as much concern as it does; it shouldn't be considered so abnormal.

other thoughts today that crossed my mind (instigated by npr): people who have lost a sense of culture because of war <- that is a sad reality to come against. i hope in our economic climate that we do not cut off what makes us full of culture and spirit.

hmm...holy spirit, annoint me and guide me. my shoulders are tense. i am burnt out, but there has gotsta be a reason.

love. love. love.

buenas noches. au-shawn-te?