what what???

uh...i just went for an evening surf session (yesterday and have been wanting to show off all day) along the cliffs and uh LOVED IT! i caught like 8, maybe 9 waves. just tootin' my own horn i guess. really excited about that.

mission: learn to hear god's voice.

love patiently, love endlessly, love generously...love persistently
no anxiety. no fear, just prayer and petition.

block party trial #1

well... it happened. our first block party on kamwood street. i cannot even begin to express everything that went right tonight. i'm pretty tired, but i have a feeling my brother in-law might be in more pain and muscle ache than me. he carried the load with this one and i'm so proud of him. can i say that? he has such a gift for organizing and storing things (if only you knew) but essentially the trailer of rentals (moon bounce/bounce house, popcorn, sno cones, cotton candy machines, tables, tents, chairs, games) is more sorted out and neat now than when we first got it.

anyway, a couple notes about this new ministry called block parties. Ask me again where god is. He is right here. to start at the end, as I was packing up one of our tables, a neighbor next to me was using the evening to preach the gospel. while i walked down our dimly lit street after putting away some other block party/carnival contraption, the air was still filled with the sound of neighbors chatting and ray charles through the speakers, there was a child reaching up for one of the red balloons that had blown from his hand. somehow, that red balloon represents god's love, and uh...that's when I thanked Him again for having such an amazing plan for us.

anyway, i still don't entirely know how to clean out a popcorn machine and i definitely have no idea what to do with the cotton candy bit (thanks lynn for telling me at least to soak the top part)...but I think block party san diego is on!

god god god

when you say something enough times, it starts to sound strange. a sound that you can no longer associate with any physical, tangible object. god's not quite physical and it takes faith to believe in something you can't see so when you say his name too much, it's beyond "strange." it feels almost contrived. i wonder what the person listening to me thinks.

past couple days have been interesting and filled with god searching. i just want to make sure what i do and what i say is genuine, that it's in line with god, but then i get lost and can't find god and it all feels fake, like i'm looking for a magic genie.

had a really good meeting today with chuck and rene c. from the rock. it was 100% divine. so, that's cool. i felt god working in each of our lives separately up until that meeting and in order for us to have that meeting.

this morning i asked god where he was? and i think that was his answer. go figure. don't ask for anything you don't really want.

i wonder if i can start every meeting in prayer?? i have started very few meetings in prayer.

good night.

romanticizing community and global markets

so i'm working on a project to throw neighborhood block parties. my aim: decrease violence, decrease isolationism, and increase community. the problem is i don't mind sleeping all day and sometimes, i would prefer not to talk with people. henri nouwen mentioned something in his book, the return of the prodigal son, about the reality of community, about just how unromantic it actually is and that stuck with me. I didn't read most of the middle of this book, i read some intro and skipped to the last few pages so i might have missed the point.

but this is what he says: "there is little romanticism to community life. there is a constant need to keep stepping out of the engulfing darkness onto the platform of the father's embrace....
the people (a community) who welcomed me home and invited me to celebrate also confronted me with my not yet converted self and made me aware that the journey was far from ended." being true to ourselves and our communities make others in our community face their own vulnerabilities, there own anguish and that causes anxiety. it is a challenge to be better not only for ourselves but for each other and rather than seeking self-gratification, a community member and leader must continually give. "his outstretched hands are not begging, grasping, demanding, warning, judging, or condemning. They are hands that only bless, giving all and expecting nothing."

that's a tough one to handle. i think.

on another note, i'm taking a business management and organization class and although i'm many chapters behind and i have to take a midterm today. i think the book is fun. a little jewel from that book:
Geert Hofstede *i think, i can't read my own handwriting anymore. that's pathetic.
talks about 5 consistent cultural dimensions
1. power distance, is the extent to which a country accepts power is not distributed equally. (i hate bureaucracy and power struggles so this point hit home)
2. individualism, the degree to which a country believes that every individual should be self-sufficient (where is the room for community in this?)
3. masculinity, the degree to which a country is highly assertive. on the other end of the spectrum, feminity: nurturing cultures.
4. uncertainty avoidance, degree to which people are uncomfortable with uncertainty
5. short term vs long term orientation, self explanatory.

i think i'm drawn to these ideas because these are human dimensions as much as they are country dimension to look for in a global market. good times.

prayer. prayer. prayer. mathew 18:19-20. i love a good prayer partner/friend.

sadness sucks

there's no sugar coating this one. hmm...i'm sad because it's a beautiful day in san diego and i love san diego and i would much rather be outside right now playing in the ocean, building sand castles and loving on strangers than feeling couped up in my room, kinda hungry with nothing appetizing to eat, homework to do, daddy hopeless in the other room sleeping, good but melo enough to be sad jason mraz on the pandora, and a still unfulfilled vision of block parties that unite communities. sigh*tomorrow will be good. today (this moment), i just have to get through.

death and dying sucks too not just because it's unnatural in the sense that god created us for eternal life with Him, but because if we're dying/dead, is that god's way of saying we're better off dead to Him? we can do more for His kingdom dead than alive?

i want to watch a movie outside in a pool. sickness sucks too, i'm getting over it but still weak. my dad needs his friends and i need mine. staring at the philly fellows photo. that was fun.

procrastination sucks. or the feeling like you're procrastinating sucks. i am motivated by guilt??!

back to reality: daddy i miss you.

god, thank you for joy. thank you for peace and relief, for leading me besides quiet waters and through green pastures. thank you for the knowledge that you restore my soul.

guatemala is an exceptional country surrounded by green mountains and volcanoes and beautiful people. despite government corruption and a lot of pain, it is a blessed town because it willingly submits to the power of god. The communities are small and connected which i loved. for only having left a week, it was a harsh reality to return home to our wide streets, closed doors, and distant strangers.

i also unwisely immunocompromised myself and caught an unpleasant virus. i was bedridden yesterday and feeling much better today, but tensions ran high when i felt my heart shrink to worldly standards and did not want to give my stepmom the benefit of the doubt. god, i know through you, we will be able to find a happy/holy medium.

all this to say, daddy, i miss your smile. i miss the way you and i were captured in that photo at lynn's wedding. PLEASE, come back to us. PLEASE PLEASE.