the vineyard and vinedresser

I spent a lot of this morning and last night going through the events of the day before in my mind. You can probably tell that this is going to be another convoluted attempt at saying something. It's all so much clearer in my head before I try to write it out.

Last evening, after my run along boat house row, a gardener and member of one of the boat houses asked if I would like to see her grapes. She had been growing the cabernet sauvignon grapes for three years and this year, rather than getting a couple dozen bunches, she had a 100 already. The first question i asked her was if they were ready. they're not.

Then last night i talked to B, finally...after watching a long, but slightly sweet, romantic family movie, then going for this run. He proceeded to tell me about his roomates' keeping him up; it was something about anger and cheating. I cringed at the thought of having any sort of argument like that partially cause it's not my style. Well, then it was my turn to talk about my night. I didn't quite know where to begin because i wasn't exactly prepared to say everything. i had debated whether or not to say anything, but in all of this, the good lord would have it that i did and that i can't quite lie.

Shoot, i may still have no idea about what happened or why. I want to say it is because things are not cut and dry between me and B. they're complicated, he would say.

The connection in all of this occured this morning, after another short run, but this time by the local creek. I started to read a devotional titled vineyards and god or something like that. At this point, I had already been playing the events in my mind and i could not get over the irony of him telling me about his roomate and then my story (i know i haven't said everything about "my story" but it's not terribly important to the point of this blog). The point is that the two stories together was rather ironic. So i asked God, why? what was the purpose?

I messed up and made a stupid decision. I feared and still fear the consequences. I praised God for always forgiving me and not making it too difficult (at least never too difficult that, in him, i was never able to deal/ manage it). Then I read about fruits, vines, vinedressers...the passage was drawn from John 18. i think. Two weeks ago, we read the same passage in its entirety at family group.

For me it was a reminder that my actions should bear fruit and glorify God's name. The irony in that was i had met a vinedresser the day before and i had stories that intertwined and i noticed them. God is always active. always. This morning was bittersweet, recognizing God's activity in my life, knowing that he will guide the waters the way he wants them and that i have to work harder to nurture my vines by being more obedient, by listening closer, my recognizing Him in all I do, all the time.

maybe tomorrow, i'll post some of the pictures of the boys from their last couple of days here in Philadelphia. I miss San Diego. I miss B's face.

Good looking out

it was 8am and i thought i already had my moment of the day so i was really excited to get on this nifty blog thing to tell everyone (or anyone at all)... but there was more. God's a funny man.
So, moment #1... it had been raining the entire night so our yard this morning was full of enlivened purple flowers. bellisima. then the boys and i walk to our first trolley stop. this is when i bring up the whole thing about which umbrella the boys are going to take. Charles insisted not having the pink umbrella today; he used it yesterday. I told them something about owning up to their manhood. So, then i really get into the Philadelphia Tribune, and almost missed our stop. Thankfully Charles noticed and we got off just in time. The operator looked at me funny. The moment hasn't happened yet, i'm building up to it. Then we get to camp girard and i see my trolley (to go back toward the office) so i kiss the boys and tell them i have to go. I ask if they want to keep one of the umbrellas. we have this back and forth business for a split second. Charles is already half a block ahead of us and Timothy isn't far behind him. Tim then decides that he'll take the big blue umbrella and runs back to me and says he'll give it to Charles. He then shouts in a very brotherly voice, as we go our separate ways, for me to "go catch the trolley."

Definitely made me smile. oh, they are growing up!

Okay so indignant moment... i'm waiting for the 46 bus. While i'm waiting i'm thinking about learning how to drive stick so that i can get a car that has good gas mileage and will allow me to drive across country or something, but of course, i would only use the car to drive to the various shuttle/bus stops...so the bus comes and a large gentleman (approximately 250 lbs) steps through the back door of the bus, i see him go down. i wanted to run to him, but it was clearly too late. i may have even thought that if i did catch him while he was falling, he would definitely topple over me and we would both be underground, and worst, i would receive the brunt of it. So i didn't catch him as he fell. However, along with another woman, we tried to give him a hand to stand up. Unfortunately, that was not enough. I may have even said "you'll need to take care of that." Especially since Supersize Me came out, i have wondered when we would be able to talk about people's unhealthy weight/bad eating habits. I digress. So, a gentleman about to get on the bus, who looked like tupac, came to help. It took two tries, but just as the larger man was on his feet, our bus driver gave me a dirty look, and took off.

I ran after him for a second but he kept going. seriously? anyway, i made the call into septa's customer service. fyi, the number on the bus sign does not work anymore. luckily, i had a schedule for the 46 and that number was correct so i reported the case. Can we not wait anymore?
alright so that's that. i'm going to now update this entry with some more photos of the boys.

Kind of fancy restaurant with "really clean bathrooms" as timothy put it:

then it was off to fox chase farms in a bmw, a phillycarshare rental. the brakes were great on that car.

our bumpy hayride:

a little penns landing...kind of like sea port village except this port is by the Delaware River.

lots of walking.

one of timothy's counselors at camp who tries very hard to convince the boys to stay:

oh the bus rides:

thunderstorm last night...and a sparkler, a first for me too.

ew...bad diet. so philly is one of the fattest cities. sorry guys, i tried to feed the boys a mix of really healthy food, but anything "philly" or east coast that i want them to try is so unhealthy. Tonight, it's philly cheesesteaks!

Love ya.

busy at work, but i think i need to write

My current prayer is that i help encourage and bring all of my brothers and sisters closer to christ and that i don't let jealousy get in the way. i don't think there is a specific incident or person i'm talking about but i do fear that i am far too capable of letting jealousy take over.

other than that, i had another good reading out of "a long obedience" after dropping off the boys at camp. they didn't cry today!

Psalm 131

God, i'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where i have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.
I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms,
my soul is a baby content.
Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!

i'm praying that i can say those words one day...just a little something to aspire towards.

Defining a few words helped me understand this passage a little better so i'd thought i would share those too:

Hope - "is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to let God do it his way and in his time...I pray to God - my life a prayer - and wait for what he'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching..."

Aspiration Vs. Ambition - "aspiration is the channeled, creative energy that moves us to growth in Christ, shaping goals in the Spirit. Ambition takes these same energies for growth and development and uses them to make something tawdry and cheap, sweatily knocking together a Babel when we could be vacationing in Eden." Aspiration is an impatience with mediocrity and a dissatisfaction with all things created until we are at home with the Creator, the hopeful striving for the best God has for us."

yep... i feel a little better. Thinking about Mariah Carey and Celine Dion ;)

thankful that the boys are still crying?

the weekend in review:
1. water ice (kind of like shaved ice but much better) and franklin square sand castle.

mini golfing in style. the boys are with gabe and emma, sam's kids.

the golf course was a miniature philadelphia.

Philadelphia Art Museum, Pay what you wish on Sundays! Keep in mind, we went to the art museum after a two hour all black church service. We walked into a seminary where my friend's service was being held and the first group of people i saw was a mix of asians and white people (almost diverse enough), but regardless, it was a breath of fresh air (i live in a community that is over 95% black) and i was excited for the boys to spend some more time with other ethnic groups of people (hmm...how pc can i get), i was even more excited that my roomate and friend went to a church that was more diverse, but alas, we kept walking and ended up in a smaller classroom with an entire black congregation of about 25 people. It was still a very nice service and timothy gave during tithe and offerings! B - you would appreciate this, we only sang praise songs.

Praise God.

BTW, charles took that picture. i think it's a pretty good shot (above). The boys - not really enjoying the art museum - but i saw a diego rivera, a couple monet paintings, cezanne, renoir, rousseou (sp?)...(below).

Clearly, i would not let the boys leave philadelphia without climbing the art museum/rocky steps!

the view from the top of the steps.

true philadelphians...playing in the water fountains.

monkey masks... a couple of guys were promoting the new space chimp movie/game... i have no interest in seeing this movie, but i think i might be taking the boys on saturday before they fly home.

For dinner: lasagna...made with tlc.

This morning:

young boys trying to be tough, reports of 2-3 murders/attempts over the weekend, dilapidated buildings, woman on the bus drinking a 40, frail men from the ongoing use of crack...

I am thankful that the city has not yet hardened their hearts. This morning I went upstairs to wake up the boys and told them to come down in 15 minutes to brush their teeth and get breakfast. they came down dressed in their camp gear (a not so bad looking shirt), some basketball shorts, and socks. I can't stress how proud i am of them. As the morning progressed, they started to ask if they could come to work with me... it was not going to happen. So, after getting on our second trolley, the boys were completely consumed with the idea that camp was boring (which it might be because they're doing math, science, character development etc - next year, i promised them something different) and their emotions had taken over. My heart broke at the sight of their tears so i gave them a little spiel about attitude, i prayed for them, and regardless, sent them off to a monday at camp girard.

Okay so i tried to put these photos in order, they are sort of in reverse order of the boys' trip to philadelphia so far.
Timothy took these two photos.

Us at Dorney Park, Pennsylvania Amusement and Water Park. We rode this ride 4 times.

The boys on a nature hike through cobbs creek which runs along the edge of West Philadelphia.

The boys finding their way with SEPTA, philadelphia's public transportation system.

More Maps.

This is their first day of camp girard (most of these pictures are taken with my camera phone so you'll have to excuse the quality).

On the bus!

First night in Philadelphia by the water works.

Arrival in Philadelphia - muggy and humid.

The boys on their first plane ride.

Whew, one long week.

heaven and nature

okay. i'm going to try to let the photos do the talking. the boys have been so good the past two days. They have gone to bed on their own and woken up without much resistance! I didn't let them watch tv this morning which was kinda fun.

hmm...i'm showing a red x in a box, does that mean you guys can't see the picture? i know it's a dark photo that's cause i'm using the very high tech camera phone.

how are you today? blessed.

i've been going through a number of things i want to share in my head but i am certain that they will not come to me now that i have finally gotten to a computer and started typing.

after dropping the boys off this morning (we only took two trolleys! which means on our way home we will only have to take two trolleys rather than last night's debacle where i took the boys on 1 trolley, and 3 buses), i was able to catch up on some reading of Peterson' s book, "a long obedience in the same direction," and i came across this passage:

"There is a general assumption prevalent in the world that it is extremely difficult to be a Christian (my thought exactly because the devil is so full of temptations and following Christ - obeying his commands - is not always the easiest thing). While it is true that many don't completely disqualify themselves as "Christians," they do modify their claims: ordinary Christians they call themselves.... (bla, very good stuff, but again i feel like i'm beating the clock - the boys and i wake up a 6:20 - 6:30, i gotta make sure they get up, get them dressed, medicated, teeth brushed, & breafasted) ...

so here's the clincher, "the easiest thing in the world is to be a Christian. What is hard is to be a sinner. Being a Christian is what we were created for. The life of faith has the support of an entire creation and the resources of a magnificient redemption. The structure of this world was created by God so we can live in it easily and happily as his children. The history we walk in has been repeatedly entered by God, most notably Jesus Christ, first to show us and then to help us live full of faith and exuberant with purpose. In the course of Christian discipleship we discover that without Christ we were doing it the hard way and that with Christ we are doing it the easy way. It is not Christians who have it hard, but non-Christians."

hallelujah! the word! that's a pretty huge revelation for me and so thanks, God.

well - - my sister delivered her first child today -- the pinnacle of blessings as far as i'm concerned. baby kailyn was 9lbs 4 ounces. deep breath! i cannot believe something that heavy came out of my little sister but i am so happy for you (sis) and my brother in law. oh the entire family is just incredibly happy.

okay the boys, for dinner last night i made yummy chicken with a creamy sauce. The best way to cook chicken, put it on the fryer (2 minutes each side) and then bake it at 440 degrees for 13-15 minutes. yum! the boys have really enjoyed my cooking which makes me happy. then there's the late night snack which i have tried to limit to fruit or yogurt. timothy snuck in a couple cinnamon toast crunch and cheeze it party snacks yesterday. Charles is really enjoying camp; he gets to go on his trip today to the philadelphia zoo. Timothy went yesterday and had to walk 1 mile there and 1 mile back. He says he has gotten the hang of walking.

and i guess lastly, i haven't learned yu gi oh yet, but i will soon. we finished the yu gi oh book on the second day of our trip together so i went and got them another one, but it's a comic (not my thing).

They've both been reading and writing (sort of) in their "captain's log" = 0.99 cent composition books.
i'm going to look up tickets today, we might be coming home next weekend.

love. peace. blessings. baby! can't wait to see kailyn (and a couple other people too ;-)

anxiety and peace

it's been a tough couple of days. charles didn't get sleep last night so now he thinks he is getting sick and timothy could not stop coughing yesterday. I was worried sick because we couldn't get home any faster. we had to walk to the el (elevated train), get on the el shuttle (because the el is still down), then take another bus to get home.

And now i really have to put in my hours at work. I definitely want to post pictures of the boys on the plane and our first night in philly. we went to boat house row, which was beautiful... hopefully I can post them soon.

otherwise, this is the boys' second day at camp girard and i've gotten mixed reviews. We can really use some prayers.

Thanks!

inspired?

If this is like any other blog i've started, this will probably be one of only a few messages, but i'm hoping that i have set out on a more structured path. I'm starting this blog to share my life with my family and friends while I'm in Philadelphia. Starting a blog is one of those projects that i've spent plenty of time considering and saying that I will do. Well 2 years later, here it is. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I think I will and I hope this will help us grow together.

In less than 6 days, I will be flying back to Philadelphia with my brothers and i'm scared. I hope that it was the right decision. If anything, I know God is going to help me make it a very special time for my brothers and me.

My current prayer is to know how to stay humble in my own eyes and to love God through obedience.