philosophical moment

Dear School,

the constant stress of having to know something for an exam/quiz takes away from actually learning. um...so stop please.

thanks,

Hang

new quotes during rotation presentation

- we all have different mileage
- go slow so you can go fast
- Dr. Scott Helf

yay rotations. I can't believe this is happening. I'm definitely hoping to travel during this time.

coming full circle and taking in the moments

hmmm hmm...just listening to some light folksy artsy music and taking yet another break from studying. I think it will be okay.

TODAY I went back to Afsoon's apartment in college park (nearly a year after learning that my dad had died alone). You know, I'll probably never be able to put the guilt and shame to rest, but I have learned to let death be one end of something that I cannot spend time worrying about. That probably makes no sense; it's about have tigers at both ends and staying right where you are to grab a strawberry from the vine and enjoying it.

Today, we did yoga and we meditated. It was a very beautiful meditation and I'm want to hold on to that for awhile.

10 more days and school is out. 10 more days and I'll be in Viet Nam with my friend exploring 101 things.

today, there was also an NPR special about 150 people max life's relationships. would love to get a copy of that.

today, i will keep studying till bed. so no more distractions?!

sweet dreams.

1st year of medical school

wrapping up the first year with some musculoskeletal work; I am not ready for it to end, but it's going to whether I want it or not. It ending means it's been nearly a year since my dad died. I want him here, want to keep his memory alive, but there are things I have to let go of... I am rambling because it's been so stinkin long since I've written anything. I am headed to Viet Nam is a less than two weeks and I cannot wait to find peace there; I can't wait to be in the town where my dad grew up.

I can't wait to do medicine and to stop being scared of it. My goal with med school is to be prepared for anything - to spend the time necessary to learn how to help people who are ill - I haven't quite gotten there yet so I guess, I better keep trying.

Identity crisis still? yea, not confident in who i'm supposed to be (break out in song) or ...i forgot the words. Just exactly what am I good at - where is my potential - and how do i focus on making those things good.

I'm God's child. I love it, but I hate fighting other people's positivity with negativity. it is such a natural response for me yet when someone else is neg, i have no problem being positive. so...i probably do have an argumentative streak (Oppositional defiant disorder). well curse word, what do i do with that?

Ask me if i've retained anything from this year? If i do a head check now, it feels so empty. weighty head. I'm more sick and unhealthy now than I have been EVER. crud. BUT, I did start running again and yesterday's 20 min run wasn't so bad, had a little spring to my step. I better not stop. athersclerotic clot build up is a little excessive and what the heck am i doing eating chicken that has been left out all day. tsk tsk.

MEXICO THIS WEEKEND FOR liga trip. super amped about it. super thankful for the man who encouraged me to go.

church. god. catholicism? christianity. JESUS. so interesting = meaningful discovery.

the end. Gonna get back to reading things about things.
tabla rasa.

day before exams

here i go again. god take away this feeling of neediness. help me obey you in ways i can not imagine. I am ever so grateful for this day and all days before exams. Perhaps i will endlessly take exams and will endlessly remember that you are in control and the lives you have taken away (the breaths you have ended) are for a greater purpose. I know I'm in a good place because you are here. Constantly i am failing. constantly i am afraid of myself. constantly i fail to trust my instincts because i don't believe i am safe in your hands.

with time, will you continue to show me the truth despite my stubborness.
dad - i love you.
family - i miss you.
balance - find me.
future - stun me.
friends - we are so far apart.

relationships - why so great and so horrible at the same time?
why do issues of relationships plague me? quiet my spirit.

the end.

poems/thoughts from guatemala

half moon over looking the lake
small birds rapidly descend
like ashes from the surrounding volcanoes

getting in touch with God
who wants to walk me through my day
and put me to sleep at night

cuando me enamaro

success -
insecurity of others success
good enough?
qualified to share my thoughts, if any
must allow others to feel they can always share their thought
and that their thoughts are valuable

what kind of woman do i want to be?
who can i look up to?

ask questions.

fear of changing lifestyles (i don't remember what i meant)

does the comfort of sharing/spending time together develop over time or should it come naturally? what's better? healthier?