recognizing everyday heroes

thanks elyse for sharing this story with me and the rest of our community. Eva died at 26 years old on March 27, 2010 from cystic fibrosis. Her blog can be found at 65redroses.livejournal.com.

...thinking about the legacies we leave or don't leave.

For Pride's Sake

i can remember a time when I would cringe at the thought of my actions mattering very little or that, maybe i would read into "losing myself" and "saved by grace alone" as I'm not able to do anything on my own accord; that all i did or can do doesn't matter. You know what that is though? Pride.

I was full of pride and unwilling to let it go, to lose myself.

"no man is worthy of me who cares more for father or mother than me; no man is worhty of me who cares more for son or daughter; no many is worthy of me who does not take up his cross and walk in my footsteps. By gaining his life a man will lose it; by losing his life for my sake, he will gain it.

I count everything sheer loss, because all is far outweighed by the gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I did in fact lose everything."

In pride and fear, I held onto my own abilities and wouldn't let the god who created me lead me into the purpose for which i was created from nothing. Instead, i want to ask God everyday, why he gave me today and my breath of life for that day/that moment. how better to seize the day? To fully and completely see your purpose for every waking moment? to sometimes have to go on a limb and say i'm taking this step, but i don't know what tomorrow will bring because i don't know much and i don't have much to offer without You.

Pride is a Big Issue. It's not easy to handle and it comes out in so many ways. I believe there is a distinction between Pride and being proud though. Being proud elicits joy, pride is ego. Proud is contentment and peace, Pride is me over you and my abilities without learning from others. Pride induces jealousy. Can I be jealous that God, who created me, knows me better than me and knows my purpose better than me? Can I be jealous that he wants to be in the life of those he created? Or do i embrace it?

at the foot of your cross.
LOVE.

rattled

in line with searching my heart...i had a pretty sweet day today and it wasn't horrible even after my sister called. But i've got my teeth clenched and my spinal nerves on alert. For a split second today, I thought I could really hurt someone if they hurt my sister.

But God, you wouldn't have it. I'm loving on and praying for that man that stood in front of my sister's home today thinking nasty thoughts and doing a lot more than just lewd gestures against the window of her home.

Over the past two years, I've come face to face with my dad's mortality, and with the added twist of vietnamese superstition, my mom's. It hasn't been terrible, I am reminded daily to share my love with them that much more. Oh, but to think of my sister's mortality in the hands of a potential sexual predator. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Any ideas on what to do?

Love,

Hang

coffee shop culture

??? what's it all about? there is clearly a woman across from me that isn't doing much, adjusting her music, sitting with incredibly good posture, walking back and forth to coffee counter and holding her mug of fresh brewed/morning brewed coffee...but i can tell she feels cool. i'm not knocking her; i'm not getting much done either. i guess she's trying to write something. i'm just mad that she has impeccable posture for being slightly overweight.

hmm...i'm in a coffee shop and i need to study. great. church was good; it was good to be back at my home church. i can't get away from the rock just yet.

thought on money makers

netflix can charge $10/month for video rentals and an online database of ready to watch tv shows/movies. Hulu can't, at least not yet. their entire income comes from marketers/ads who are constantly thinking of new ways to capture/engage the audience - to make the audience spend as much time with the product as possible (hence these new interactive quizzes on hulu). I don't think they work.

so why can netflix charge an online membership and hulu can't? I think it's because netflix offers a tangible product, movies delivered to your home. that tangible product helps to create a relationship that is outside of virtual reality. netflix also helped ease the customers of this half internet/half physical reality user into internet using/paying.

what will it say about us as a society when/if we become perfectly content with the virtual reality created by pure internet connections (pay online, use online, communicate online - if at all)?

my hope with bpsd's website is that we're using the internet purely as a tool to enhance physical interactions and relationships - i.e. as a meetup tool/continuing real convesations tool.

launching first trial site in the next week or so.

Please let me love him right

... I just want to do the right things. of course there are times when I'm sure I'm not and I excuse it somehow, but there are plenty of times where I just don't know what is the right thing to do.
hmm...then again, i know the answer to that... IN EVERYTHING PRAYER AND PETITION.

good enough, i'll stop complaining soon and just start praying/listening/waiting. oh so easier said than done.

been back from ny/philly for about 24 hours. i'm ok with that. my dad looks stronger, but his throat has gotten more pleghmy which i think is yet another indication of his body not working.

=(

gotta study for anatomy quiz tomorrow and nonprofit/ministry work has been put on back burner again.

in ny at the 88 orchard coffee shop. it's pretty great. had to spend time in the basement to charge up the laptop but now i get to people watch. such beautiful people and so diverse. oh man, i love it.