a new year

who isn't writing about the new year to come? it's always appropriate to reflect on the year that has passed and what is to come at the cusp of time.

i realize i'm in a battle to know the desires of my heart. first, i praise the lord for all his glory and second, i'm waiting on Him so that I know how i should act/react. i'm still waiting...

and in the meantime, I know that i have a burning passion for life. so, to that end, i will continue to seize every moment. tonight, my family and I are going to ring in the new year at a little street carnival in escondido.

Happy New Year!

white noise

i think there is a constant buzzing in my ear.......
my head won't stop for a minute. i'm running around frantic. where is the calm of god? the peace and serenity that i know is in him is surely not in me right now.

the burden of the world seems heavy and i want to escape. just do one thing at a time lisa...do the things that you have control over - finish those essays for med school.

something about idleness being sin and devil's way of getting you to do nothing for god's kingdom. something about wanting distractions from heartache. i just signed up for a hip hop class...am on the wait list. that's exciting.

i need to cook for my dad. i just finished his state disability stuff. yay. and social security disability. yay. celebrate the little victories. i can't really tell you what is my top choice for DO school. location is so important (oh so many innuendoes).

i need a solid support system. god?? okay, sending MRI off to dr y for review. seriously? i can't find the MRI reports. something about a mass on the L parietal. oh right, next have to pay for student loans... oh my bad, it's near the left temporal... shoot, that only took 5 long minuters. i couldn't get the backing out of the stamps.

am i writing cause i need someone to hear my frustrations? my cries? my feeble attempts at optimism. my desire just to let it out. i want to run.

um..why the heck is mesa college's number disconnected? ok, just shaved my dad's head. now there's little tiny hairs everywhere and my room is really messy. i'm going to try to start my day again.

peace.

Still feeling this song:

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure

There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
D-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Come on and open up your mind and see like me(I won't hesitate)
Open up your plans and damn you're free(No more, no more)
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours(It cannot wait, I'm sure)
So please don't, there's no need(There's no need to complicate)
There's no need to complicate(Our time is short)
'Cause our time is short(This is our fate)

This is, this is, this is our fate
I'm yours
Oh, I'm yours
Oh, I'm yours
Oh, whoa, baby you believe I'm yours
You best believe, best believe I'm yours

is it corny that i was compelled to write a poem?

life is ...
simple pleasures
when you find that God has given and given to you
when your hopes are His
when life happens because it does and
nothing you can do will stop it
when you just breathe
when He can make you smile through the tears
life is... beautiful
life is that breeze that runs through your hair
and makes you put on an extra jacket
life is that buzz that rides overhead
and flip flops in the sand next to you.
life is a tidal wave
life is that smile you share between strangers
life is when you look out across the ocean and you see His creation
life is conected
it is everywhere
and it moves like that little bit of moon that is still in left in the day sky
because when you look up at it,
you know you were not the only one.
life is hope. life is beautiful.

a wonderful revelation

my heart still feels like it is wrapped up in chains of heavy metal and i find myself clutching it every so often. I am still searching for the right words to say so that this pain will go away, but I know one thing above all, is that God's arms are around me now. I know he intercedes on our behalf.

My revelation or a new found truth: our souls and lives were made with and meant for "original glory" and not original sin and our hearts are not "desperately wicked." -a borrowed truth from John Elderedge's "The Ransomed Heart."

Q of day: how will this perfect story end?

time...title escapes me.

who doesn't spend random days thinking about the meaning of space and time? Perhaps the rain helps bring about a reflectivce mood. who knows? perhaps it's life and death that makes this sureal life, surrounded by colored walls and sanitized counters, want more than itself. does that make sense? i think i want to say more than i really understand right now or maybe i want to say more because i don't have anything to say. I just have the need to put thoughts into words because that, like holden caulfield, slows life down or in some cases, ideally, stops it all together.

how do you free your spirit from this feeling of nothingness. i don't know what to say to my dad, but i want to share something with him that is more than just the next meal, more than just let's make dinner. What is that? i am so blessed to have this entire house at my disposal and so what, what have i done with it?

is this creativity stunted? shoot, i should be better than this...i guess maybe we'll work on a puzzle and i'll pull myself away from ray bradbury. i am weary but well. every once and awhile, i feel so utterly out of touch.

it is time for dinner.

time and space and time

who doesn't spend random days thinking about the meaning of space and time? Perhaps the rain helps bring about a reflectivce mood. who knows? perhaps it's life and death that makes this sureal life, surrounded by colored walls and sanitized counters, want more than itself. does that make sense? i think i want to say more than i really understand right now or maybe i want to say more because i don't have anything to say. I just have the need to put thoughts into words because that, like holden caulfield, slows life down or in some cases, ideally, stops it all together.

how do you free your spirit from this feeling of nothingness. i don't know what to say to my dad, but i want to share something with him that is more than just the next meal, more than just let's make dinner. What is that? i am so blessed to have this entire house at my disposal and so what, what have i done with it?

is this creativity stunted? shoot, i should be better than this...i guess maybe we'll work on a puzzle and i'll pull myself away from ray bradbury. i am weary but well. every once and awhile, i feel so utterly out of touch.

Whose will is it.

how do you know the difference between God's will for your life and your will? Can you question others when they act according to the conviction that what they are doing is the will of God?