This is it, that moment when I get to sit and ponder the year that has been - feel the presence of God in the still of the night, one that carries the weight of centuries and decades, that sweeps through all humanity and our history, one swift breeze that moves us into some destined future but not without first settling on THIS day, this place, this current breathe. The glow of light from our 8 year old 3 foot tall tree and a new star brought in from Germany by my in laws. I don't know what tomorrow looks like but I know I can be here and smile, full of gratitude for life and health and calm waters. Let me push away any fears for I know you are with me.
Let me rejoice in the 8 year old spirit that I get to call son and see and feel in every inch of his body the anticipation of Santa and Christmas joy. To be asked for hugs all day and to feel his precious body and know and pray that God has him because we've asked and because He promises.
Let me still feel the ties of blood bonds even if I cannot see them and give them reason to smile through my love flows.
Let me speak without words to my husband so that he knows he is deeply valued by us and our creator. In in bravery shake off the hurts that tighten his chest.
Let there be air.
This year, I've become a doctor of medicine, in my bones I think I feel the essence of a healer though I look forward to diving in even deeper. 3.5 years out of residency; 5 will be better I'm told but I'm thankful for this moment and the trials that led us here.
May God speak to the men and women of this world and may we continue to move toward his voice to bring us together.
This year, I felt pain of too many patients passing.
This year, I traveled...oh wow I saw pieces of America the beautiful and we did it in style - via RV.
This year I got to embrace my grandmother again and I pray for many more. This year I got to share that love with my son so that he may remember from where he came from. This minute, I realize my resilence came from love. Most certainly my grandmother's love and truly the work of my father. I am forever grateful.
This year I've got to envision more of what God has called and spoken onto my life and the pieces seem to be coming together - let's just say me and block parties will never die...yea it's going to happen. it's going to do something cool and it's going to change lives.
Because that's what I'm in the business of doing, helping to make lives whole and fulfilled. Helping to build community because without that...we will continue to struggle to stay above the water.
This time last year, I sat here but it was much later so my rantings were more out of delirium.
And in a few days, I'll set the trajectory for my year ahead.
The year took off and somehow it's ending, surely i've grown, yeah definitely am more patient, definitely figured a few things out. To next year, to stronger friendships, to deeper communities, to love unimaginable.
May God Bless You and May He Keep You.
