Daddy please...

from the time i got home this evening till about one and half hours ago, I was looking for the lyrics of a song that made me cry in church today. today i cried more in church than i have ever. today was father's day. my heart cried out for my friends that have lost their parents, but mostly it cried out for my dad, for his health, for the day that he may see my first child and walk me down the aisle (hopefully not in that order as EC would say).

the song was the same song my sister chose for her father daughter dance. am i scared that I will lose him? yes, a little. Do I have hope? yes, a lot. Do i know that God's will will be done and that his will is good? yes. Do I pray enough? no. Do I truly believe we can be a witness to one of God's miracles? yes and no. how do you balance modern/man medicine with god's power? pray. ok, that's good. i can do that. anything else? (responses here would be helpful. thanks guys)

so i never found the song. i know my sister sent it to me and i feel like it's in my itunes library which makes not being able to hear it now even worst.

my step mom is frantic. "Hang, come here, something is wrong with your dad."
she turns the door knob. it is locked. crap. I put on clothes. my shirt is inside out and backwards. dad's probably seizing. he is seizing.

it's ok. just relax.
"co ngoc," i say sternly as i calmly stroke her hand that is agressively pulling and holding onto dad's feet and hands, "it's okay, relax, dad, just breathe."
the sound of deep breaths.
"it's okay. how do you feel?" oh crap, asking questions right now doesn't help. In vietnamese, "hey dad, you are seizing right now, but it's okay, just breathe okay."
the sound of forced breaths and muttering lips. "breathe in, breathe out."

okay, you are better. still residual twitching. oh crap, he bit his tongue. shoot, what do i do?
"he is starting again."
"O.M.G. he is. Co Ngoc, call 911"
"Call 911?"
"yes, call 911."
"here take the phone."
the usual conversation.
911 paramedic on the phone: "hey you can stay on the phone with me if you like, we don't have to talk."
"thanks, dad, it's okay, just breathe. he is still seizing. he hasn't calmed down."
2 minutes later.
"okay, he's calming. i think he bit his tongue again. his mouth is still twitching and his eyes are red. i think the paramedics are here."
"do you want to hang up?"
"yes, if the paramedics are here. thanks. have a good night."
the usual conversation.

that was the end of my father's day. daddy please dance with me (is a part of that song...but i still can't find it).

in love and faith,

your daughter.