victory of health struggles

My patients struggle. I struggle. I don't have diabetes. I don't have a hurt back (at least not anywhere close to what my patients experience). I don't have some autoimmune disease. I am not obese.

But sometimes I eat things and know that I'm eating it because it makes me feel good now but I may regret it later. I eat it out of spite for what I'm experiencing inside of me. I want to stuff my face and my gut so full of processed chemicals or sweet moist chocolate something or rather. I want to drive through McDonald's or Jack in the box and chase away tears and find memories of my past that maybe brought happiness.

So, that struggle sucks. Rather than somehow face some nebulous emotional problem that has no immediate answers, I want to inhale food. So much so that I guess it makes it harder to find the answers and then maybe we hate ourselves a little. Maybe we ask of ourselves to be better. We find a way. We know what works. We try again, we feel good but that goodness is tainted with the next day when we don't do good. We label. We look at labels.

And we say, this isn't enough. But FRIENDS, IT IS enough. The process of finding victories and having them IS ENOUGH. Don't let yourselves be defeated. Is that our problem? We defeat ourselves before we have even tried? COUNT THOSE VICTORIES. CELEBRATE THOSE VICTORIES. WHEN YOU FALL, dust it off, get back on the horse and do it again and Smile BECAUSE you have found it - you are victorious and made to be victorious.

permission to pursue

Thank you Pastor Michael Todd for the sermon series on relationship goals. It's such a powerful message even at 35 years old. I wish I had heard it sooner but what can you do? I wanted to write about what "permission to pursue" has revealed to me because it feels so BIG. The very heart breaking idea that these things/people/places in my life that are causing me harm is because I DID NOT ask from God the permission to pursue. WHY NOT seeking wisdom from the wisest, from our creator. Even if in disbelief you ask, what do you have to lose?

So here I am, 12/16/19 fully aware of the mess I am in is because of the decisions I've made WITHOUT HIM (our all loving, full of plan/purpose for our life designer), reminding myself/praying for wisdom/guidance to be reminded and to keep HIM FIRST. SEEK first the kingdom of god and all things will be unto you.

I'll slip up, I forget, or maybe I won't - May I continue to ask God first/put him first in my decisions. Does this please him? Because in that, through that, ALL MY TREASURES/REWARDS are just waiting...

Finding vision

several months ago, I discovered the world of self help books, possibly all by chance but perhaps more true, I needed/I need help. In that time, a pneumonic has stuck with me: SAVERS. The idea and concept is inspiring from a slightly sycophantic book titled The Miracle Morning, but nonetheless inspiring: Wake up early and make time for yourself. It may be 5 minutes or an hour BUT take the time and use SAVERS to remember how to get the most of your time: S- silence, A-affirmations (the world is full of toxic can't do attitudes, don't be your worse critic, be your greatest champion and AFFIRM yourself), V - vision (visualize you/where you want to be, engage all your senses as if you have already achieved this vision: the essence of the best selling SECRETS), E - exercise (get blood flowing throughout your body/wake up your senses), R - reading (you are not alone, there is help out there, read), S - scribe/write. 

So, here I am, not quite morning, more like my son is asleep, 6 years has passed, maybe 10 years, and I need to write. I need to find my purpose/my vision. It's so easy to be lost: to wake up, do things that need to get done, go to sleep, wake up and do it again, get frustrated, do it again - no passion, no purpose. 

So, what is it? What is this passion of mine? To help people find their passion/purpose so that they can give to the world what they were meant to give. To help people achieve health in body, mind, spirit. To love my family. To raise James that he may know God and get to serve Him - that he would make the choice to let God manage his life. 

For me: Be one with God's given purpose - to be intimately connected to our creator. To be a witness to His Miracles daily. 

Well, that was not what I expected - I thought it would be some long, drawn out process, but that's it, that's what I want to/get to do with this life I've been given. 

May you rest in knowing that there is a purpose for the life you have - take the time to discover it - or live it. 

Dear New Year

Hello 2015. This is fun, it's 12:28am and I decided to start blogging again. This time, I hope I don't stop. I'm finishing up interviews and am putting together a rank list. It's a pretty exciting time. Not to mention, I'm hoping to start another medical related blog soon, I'll let you (the random ethereal world out there) know as soon as I get it up and running. That's exciting too.

I had other ideas for this first post of 2015 but I think that will be it for me...Just a start. The other postings were drafts from 2012 that I had never published though I'm not sure why. Man, I love writing random thoughts that come to my mind. Till next posting.

Oh, wait a sec, I should probably do a quick update since our last post - I'm married, have a 13 month old son and live in Seattle and I graduated medical school. Awesome.

why is it always so difficult to see beauty when it is in front of you?

one split second, one decision can change the course of our lives
for better or worse
no, never worse
because the course...if given over to God can be shifted and changed
the spirit of eternity prevails
and a joyful life is what He wants for His children
His blessings and His grace abounds
with him, no matter the circumstance, we live in plenty.

oh to love freely

I used to love a lot! At least, it was easy to say the words, I love you, to call a friend dear, sweet heart. In middle/high school, it wasn't a problem to love so much - at least I was better blinded - and then for some time, I realized I couldn't say I love you to a friend...I was too afraid that it would mean too much to them and not as much to me or that in saying I love you, I couldn't stand behind the weight and responsibility of that love to lift someone up or to call regularly...because people said they loved me and did that. Now, in a moment of bliss of just completing a big exam (regardless of success levels)...I freely threw out those words to friends/friends who know very little about me and I know very little about them (because I've spent the last month studying, because I never really asked the questions and they never really asked about me...because we were all studying, all the time). Is it better this way? Better to say I love you then to be scared, better to just love anyway and worry about the consequences/responsibilities later? How can I do both? Sorry not a very good posts, but eh...I'm writing this for me.