Dear New Year

Hello 2015. This is fun, it's 12:28am and I decided to start blogging again. This time, I hope I don't stop. I'm finishing up interviews and am putting together a rank list. It's a pretty exciting time. Not to mention, I'm hoping to start another medical related blog soon, I'll let you (the random ethereal world out there) know as soon as I get it up and running. That's exciting too.

I had other ideas for this first post of 2015 but I think that will be it for me...Just a start. The other postings were drafts from 2012 that I had never published though I'm not sure why. Man, I love writing random thoughts that come to my mind. Till next posting.

Oh, wait a sec, I should probably do a quick update since our last post - I'm married, have a 13 month old son and live in Seattle and I graduated medical school. Awesome.

why is it always so difficult to see beauty when it is in front of you?

one split second, one decision can change the course of our lives
for better or worse
no, never worse
because the course...if given over to God can be shifted and changed
the spirit of eternity prevails
and a joyful life is what He wants for His children
His blessings and His grace abounds
with him, no matter the circumstance, we live in plenty.

oh to love freely

I used to love a lot! At least, it was easy to say the words, I love you, to call a friend dear, sweet heart. In middle/high school, it wasn't a problem to love so much - at least I was better blinded - and then for some time, I realized I couldn't say I love you to a friend...I was too afraid that it would mean too much to them and not as much to me or that in saying I love you, I couldn't stand behind the weight and responsibility of that love to lift someone up or to call regularly...because people said they loved me and did that. Now, in a moment of bliss of just completing a big exam (regardless of success levels)...I freely threw out those words to friends/friends who know very little about me and I know very little about them (because I've spent the last month studying, because I never really asked the questions and they never really asked about me...because we were all studying, all the time). Is it better this way? Better to say I love you then to be scared, better to just love anyway and worry about the consequences/responsibilities later? How can I do both? Sorry not a very good posts, but eh...I'm writing this for me.

traveling, traversing...

it must be me...am i not good at this thing called traveling? haha traveling and blogging via a spanish keyboard. or can i possibly ever blame my traveling partners, comraderies, etc.

i love to travel. i love to see the world in a different light, the blazing deceitful sun of bogota, the unarming people of vietnam, the lack of a social smile but the genuine character of indigenous people, the roaring waters of a different sea, the sweet cold chill of maine lakes, the love of friends, the joy of meeting and mingling, the spirit of sun setting. So, why is it so difficult to find peace? have i truly found god or am i alone? or like life, there are endless things to learn. so today`s struggle is no different than yesterday`s...different characters, different actors, same stage, same lesson. same same but different. or am i at a better place? have i learned and now am i learning more? can i undermine where i have been...that seems silly enough, of course i can´t. we are our past, but of course we are always more, we are our today.

so, what is the same, anger sucks. meanness sucks. elements that consume your thoughts and suck you into a deep dark place sucks. god doesn´t suck. talking to god always rocks. his peace is brilliant. he is sal de la tierra y sol del mundo.

gracias colombia para hoy.

found poem

my lovely dear
no rash decisions - made w/out though - scratch that - just prayer and petition
You, Father, knows what's best
I defer wholly to Your wisdom
who i am supposed to be with
and where I will go
no need for answers and details of the life to come
just the next step is all
you give as much as you please
at first i though of writing a poem
about love but all that came out
was menat soley for you
so here are my burdens
my father and where he needs to be
my friend and who he is in my life
the rest and where it will end
i wait for you
Father, shall i fast and pray and for
how long? of what?
you are my every delight. my only clarity and saving grace.
i know when your spirit moves through me
and when - no way - can it be of my own
all i have is yours
and all you have is mine
because you died and layer yourself on the cross
our sins to paid
what more can i say. thank you.
will you guide me the rest of the way?

working on an engagement or a marriage feels right...always does because you know you are working toward something that is supposed to be permanent, a lot like working toward heaven and eternal life. though no work can make it perfect, the striving and the effort is enough.

so in so many ways, this feels so right. to start over, to redo, and to say that this is it...this is what i will work on and towards for my entire life --- allowing the time and the space for God to work -- to make sure that his hand is directing and guiding. If we jump and it isn't onto a soft cloud to cushion our fall, then pray still, that God can redirect. Before I jump again, God, speak to me and let me know i'm jumping in the right direction.