here, just as you are

sigh* great episode of grey's anatomy. i only started watching the end of last season and it's been a rollercoaster just like this crazy life (cancer, hospitals, doctors, interns, family, deaths, relationships...and friendships). So season right now and episode 3 or 4, thanks for the fun. it was a good ending, friends playing baseball at some ungodly hour after work - 5 hour long surgeries, hospital mergers, saving lives - maybe i'll get to do that one day.

it's a fun thought...this being a doctor. the not so fun thought: paying bills, studying for a really long time, every day for four years, and working around the clock.

i'm high on the two cups of coffee i had this morning from The missions restaurant on University (it was amazing, made my taste buds do a dance) and an entire glass of callahan red (a local brewed favorite).

chaos ensues but i'm very thankful for the friends i still have. so if y'all are reading this, i love love love my serious time friends. YOU.

just fyi on honesty, it means not holding back and being straightforward. why the bs? just why?
oy mamacita, tengo tarea para mi clase de espanol. y mas? surfiar manana? no domingo despues de inglesia.

I am still doing a lot of soul searching but i've had two weeks of constancy, if there's such a word, and it feels good. it's about acceptance and perseverence. i think i may be changing my blog title to daddy and me. or adventures with dad. today, we woke up, went to the missions. he didn't order but rather then let it get to me. i ordered and ate. it was yummy. he drank some coffee. then we went to saigon, but when we got there and almost out of the car, he stopped me and we had to turn around. we went to a new asian baguette place on el cajon (i already ate so i told him it was my turn to watch him eat). a couple of EMT's came into the restaurant after us (of no importance). he ate. i read a page of book of LA progressive movement. then home.

worked. then convinced him we should go to the park! Kate Sessions in PB rocks. got there. he refused to get out of the car. :( i pulled out the lawn chairs anyway and he got out :)
and we sat there. made small talk with guys playing beer hackey sack thingy as i walked to the bathroom. commented about the incredible view on top of this neat public space. we sat. i read another page. on my way to the bathroom, i thought about asking these guys if they would offer my dad a beer (all in my head). then minutes later, after sitting down next to dad in our matching lawn chairs. he pointed to the guys. i asked what he wanted... ah, of course, he wanted a beer. asked my dad several times in disbelief and inability to get the nerve to ask the guys if they could offer us a beer (though i'm sure they would have since we exchanged some words previously). i think because i asked him if he was sure so many times, he said no.
up we go, he was ready to leave. so before we left, i said how about one drive around to the other side of the park because the view is stunning. we went, he told me to pull over on the other side and to park?!! unbelievable, but whatever for, i couldn't figure it out. dad makes hand drawing of cylindrical container. he wanted me to ask this party of 50 folks if i could have a beer.

i said dad, probably not a good idea, maybe next time we come here, i'll bring the beer. why not?
then dinner at not so great thai restaurant in pb. and home... we talked. yesterday i shared with him pastor miles' interview with burn "thriver" and his wife. sorry i can't remember his name. hoping to shed light on his situation. we're not at our worst and somehow you just have to keep fighting, keep trying so at the very least you can say you tried and maybe it doesn't work out entirely the way you want it, but so what, you tried.

it was a good talk. maybe tomorrow, he will try and he will keep trying.
goodnight.