replay

not good enough...
damn, what happened this year? why did i wait to talk to him? was it the endless hours of research and finding the best surgeon or the endless hours of tv that i wallow(ed) in? because now...he can't talk and he can't tell me how he feels without anger and name calling. it hurts and then it doesn't. god, i'm so incredibly blessed to have a home, to have some friends, food, everything i need.

my dad is angry and detached because he thinks its the easiest thing for everyone. he doesn't want anyone to see him like this (possibly to remember him like this - sick and hurting); i can't change him.

in my own anger, i slammed the door on my fingers today and it looks pretty gnarly. some bruising and dried blood now. crazy eh?

goodnight.