work and family

just a curious thought: if we all saw work as work and life outside of work as such (specifically family)- suitably dividing time between both - with family being more important, what would happen?

should you wait to have your own family before committing to that family? or commit to the one you came from until you leave it?

In my ideal world, everyone has someone they love looking after them. they don't go into nursing homes and they don't become abandoned. it's nice to have the advances of technology, growth in education, new toys to play with and new ways to see the world. How important are those things when the people you care about are left to fend for themselves among others who have been left ...because of different ideas of success?

In a family you could have a small functioning unit of people who have enough time to care for each other i.e. one person is looking after 10 extremely sick people which is near impossible to do well.

hello papa

anti-depressants when you're on other mind-altering drugs (most, if not all pharmaceuticals) is not a bad idea. so either my dad is more awake because we've been adding a pill of celexa to his regular dose of anti-seizure or because we stopped giving him anti-anxiety drug (which was not supposed to happen), i don't know, but he's been a lot more alert. He smiled today - doubt because i actually said anything funny - but he smiled and everything for that second was brilliant.

yesterday, he also grabbed my wrist and held on tight while i got to be his baby girl and laid my head on his chest. i tried so hard to remember those moments where he patted me to sleep or held me next him because i was his child. I couldn't, but knowing that it had happened was good enough.

God - your everyday will be done.

serenity and such

i'm really bad at peace, "letting go to divine providence" (thank you dkn)
i am bad at trusting god and letting that still my heart which leads me to feeling unqualified as a christian (so to speak) and that causes more anxiety. It's like a vicious cycle and i'd like to use the term here though i don't think it applies, it's seductive destruction (keller's terms).

anyway, a couple things i want to work on - diligence and inner peace with god. Jesus - show me the way?

love,

hang

poem for you

In pitch black, I stood
perhaps in fear
or a fog of uncertainty
till i realize
we were a part of a body
with piercing broad vast wings
we came from darkness
into light. we were the light.
From page one of normality
to a story deeper than prodigal son.
It must have been the tales of poo
Ask Rach and Brooke
or in between games of taboo
and birthday cupcakes too.
This is, community.
And I can't wait
there's more to come.

happy birthday rachel, Monday - May 3rd

recognizing everyday heroes

thanks elyse for sharing this story with me and the rest of our community. Eva died at 26 years old on March 27, 2010 from cystic fibrosis. Her blog can be found at 65redroses.livejournal.com.

...thinking about the legacies we leave or don't leave.

For Pride's Sake

i can remember a time when I would cringe at the thought of my actions mattering very little or that, maybe i would read into "losing myself" and "saved by grace alone" as I'm not able to do anything on my own accord; that all i did or can do doesn't matter. You know what that is though? Pride.

I was full of pride and unwilling to let it go, to lose myself.

"no man is worthy of me who cares more for father or mother than me; no man is worhty of me who cares more for son or daughter; no many is worthy of me who does not take up his cross and walk in my footsteps. By gaining his life a man will lose it; by losing his life for my sake, he will gain it.

I count everything sheer loss, because all is far outweighed by the gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I did in fact lose everything."

In pride and fear, I held onto my own abilities and wouldn't let the god who created me lead me into the purpose for which i was created from nothing. Instead, i want to ask God everyday, why he gave me today and my breath of life for that day/that moment. how better to seize the day? To fully and completely see your purpose for every waking moment? to sometimes have to go on a limb and say i'm taking this step, but i don't know what tomorrow will bring because i don't know much and i don't have much to offer without You.

Pride is a Big Issue. It's not easy to handle and it comes out in so many ways. I believe there is a distinction between Pride and being proud though. Being proud elicits joy, pride is ego. Proud is contentment and peace, Pride is me over you and my abilities without learning from others. Pride induces jealousy. Can I be jealous that God, who created me, knows me better than me and knows my purpose better than me? Can I be jealous that he wants to be in the life of those he created? Or do i embrace it?

at the foot of your cross.
LOVE.

rattled

in line with searching my heart...i had a pretty sweet day today and it wasn't horrible even after my sister called. But i've got my teeth clenched and my spinal nerves on alert. For a split second today, I thought I could really hurt someone if they hurt my sister.

But God, you wouldn't have it. I'm loving on and praying for that man that stood in front of my sister's home today thinking nasty thoughts and doing a lot more than just lewd gestures against the window of her home.

Over the past two years, I've come face to face with my dad's mortality, and with the added twist of vietnamese superstition, my mom's. It hasn't been terrible, I am reminded daily to share my love with them that much more. Oh, but to think of my sister's mortality in the hands of a potential sexual predator. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Any ideas on what to do?

Love,

Hang