hello world.

no broken heart here, just a bit of reminiscing on life from 6th grade until now... that's a long time. In the player, my waiting to exhale sound track - mostly songs i cried to when i felt hurt - but today it is more of an opportunity to cherish all of those times and relationships that have gotten me through some pretty chaotic times. When I last heard this CD I was in a two bedroom apartment with my dad in north park where we moved after he and my mom got a divorce and today, i'm in a house that my dad, stepmom, and i had moved to in '98 (maybe earlier) (also, a long time). daddy is sick and not the same. not even close. my sister is married! with two kids! I am still figuring out why i am here and how much time i've wasted on nothingness. I keep reaching out, trying to get a handle on who my real friends are and where they are. New friendships with meaning are hard to form.

oh and before i let you all go with the lyrics to Whitney Houston's "Exhale" - this is a great quote - "What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." - george elliot

Everyone falls, in love sometimes
Sometimes it's wrong, and sometimes it's right
For every win, someone must fail
But there comes a point when...
When we exhale, yeah yeah

Say, shoop, shoop, shoop...
All you gotta do is say shoop, shoop, shoop...
My Lord now, shoop, shoop...

2-Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry
Life never tells us, the whens and whys
When you've got friends, to wish you well
You'll find a point when, you will exhale

Yeah, yeah
Say, shoop, shoop, shoop..
Say shoobedoo...

Oh, hearts are often broken
When there are words unspoken
In your soul there's, answers to your prayers
If you're searching for, a place you know
A familiar face, somewhere to go
You should look inside your soul
And you're half way there
(rpt 2)

I say shoop, shoop...
Feels all right, you can say shoop...

the smell of man

Back in February (or actually, i'm not sure when we celebrate my brother in law's bday, but that month...) I went with my sister to buy cologne. I asked the service person if she had something similar to Michael Jordan's cologne from back in the day. She didn't know. So as I was helping my sister decide on the cologne for her man, I was searching for the perfect smell for my makeshift pillow man (sorta joking). Nada. That is, until we paid for whatever it was my sister bought for josh and we were walking away from the counter when i spotted Justin Timberlake's new cologne. It had to be it!

I knew it before I even took a whiff. Quickly, I motioned for the counter lady and asked for a sample. My sister and I melted at the scent. I was in love with Givenchy. not sure what kind of a name that is, but anyway, must be that musty sweaty smell of post basketball player/dancer that i'm digging.

In the 7th grade, I bought my first boyfriend that Jordan cologne. Why did i write about this? well i just decided to open up the samples today. now no one should actually rush to get that cologne because I actually think prolonged whiffing of it makes my head spin. not good. However, i am thankful for the brief moment of bliss that the smell of a man brings me. oh the small joys in life.

as for more exciting and far more worthy news, we just had our second block party in san diego and it felt just right being in city heights. Just show me where the need is... and i think i'll be there.

in the love of christ,

hang my chau

it's over now

just finished an episode of glee on hulu. i don't mind the occasional mindlessness. love/hurt from love - i'm not sure how genuine these emotions are, that deep weight in your heart that catches your breath and makes you pound it out of your own chest - but when I'm ok, like i am today, and i get these love pains, it feels nice. as in, someday i'll get to feel that love again towards someone special. it might be a bit sad and less than cozy, but i think someday will come.

I just saw Reign on Me the other day and on the movie cover, it says, live everyday like it is the best day of your life. pause, i think i already wrote about this. nevermind.

yeah i'm just not ready to call it a night, but i know i'll be exhausted tomorrow if i don't try harder to get that shut eye. i have to be up in 6.5 hours, make that 6.35 or something. i am embarrassed (where's the spellchecker) to admit this, but i couldn't do 4th grade subtraction the other day as in figure out how to carry the 10s or whatever. my fifth grade brother had to show me; he was pretty amused that i didn't know how to do it. you should have seen the look on his face before he grabbed the pen from me and started scribbling. i even told him to slow down.

angie - maybe you can help me with this one?
reading a really good book right now called Jews without Money.

buenas noches mundo.

Catch me if you can.

I'm so glad I wasn't angry for too long because when he came home, it was like nothing had happened at all. i wonder if that makes sense to anyone reading. i'd post a picture to take up the white space, but I have both laptops at staples for cleaning.

problema: i haven't woken up happy/energized in a little over a month. any ideas? I'm going to keep trying. it might be those long bad movies. O.M.G. I even had a nightmare last night and woke up screaming. that was wild. my own scream/yelp woke me up.

to philly: i miss you. what an incredible trip back. thanks for the good times, the neighborhoods, and the obvious diversity or maybe the 95% african american passengers on my septa rides to West Philly. it felt like home.

there hasn't been one week that has been the same for me in nearly a year. i'm not sure what to make of it except to accept that life is a constant adventure and routine must be boring considering the constant frustration of failed attempts at creating one. you know, despite all my doubts this last month, i believe god has a great plan for our lives.

one) His story is too perfect to be a creation of man. two) hopeless living isn't much living at all. three) apparently, he says his yoke/burden is light. i should give it a try.

a recurring question for me (perhaps i'm asking the wrong question): if i die tomorrow, will i have said and done everything i should have/could have/wanted to...

goodnight! *Catch me if you can is one of my favorite movies.